I’m not sleeping so well. Really bad actually. My brain overdrives. My meds don’t work. I take too many. They still don’t work. I’m seriously fucked up at the moment. I can’t watch TV because it makes me freeze. I tried podcasts, put them on and sit still. I feel like I can’t move. I’m shaking when I move.
Just dont tell anyone.
I am fucked. I am fucked.
I can’t leave my own fucking brain. It tells me so much. I hate all of it. Nothing nice. I feel terrible. Everything is death or so messed up I can’t even type it. Constant flashing images and thoughts.
How many more times can I do this?
It doesn’t get easier it gets harder because I can’t fucking fight with myself anymore. I feel too old to be trying to keep it all back.
Don’t read this. It’s me.