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Dear Mr. WordPress diary.

Hey again. I know no one is reading my posts anymore. Which is ok because I got a little stage fright and couldn’t write anymore.

Anyway, I really liked writing on this because it’s like anonymous and it really helps to vent stuff without feeling bad. If someone wrote something horrible I’d probably have a breakdown. I’m always titling right on the edge of some thing or another. I’ve been bloody angry the past few days. I haven’t slept either for hell knows. I hate these times. I try not to get to pee’d off because it’s not fair to the little group of family I have.

My gran passed away about a month ago and it’s been bloody hard. It’s weird when people say all this grief stuff and when something like this happens. It’s almost like your whole body shuts off and you carry on as normal with your brain and body saying “nah nothing happened” I don’t know if that’s normal or not but oh well.

I’m sitting on my ass thinking about all that lesbian label stuff that’s all out now. What a load. Like what happened to just being a lesbian or gay, why is there all these different types and like “pillow princess” I forget that word already it’s probably “pillow queen” or “bed lesbian” anyway, they only like to be touched, no way they’re touching you. I’d never heard of this before but apparently that’s why some lesbians have long nails. (That last part about nails I made up but it sounded good). And they only pick like “butch” or some variation like a very specific variation called like “butch but only giving love, no love allowed here” obviously I can’t remember the name. I don’t like this. Is this pillow asshole really being so selfish or am I missing something? I understand like the others can have transgender stuff going on and wouldnt want to be touched. Im not being a dick I read that seriously. So if they have problems with coming out as trans. Aren’t these pillow clowns just making it harder for them.

I totally relate to the trans stuff because I’m a total dude and I’m determined I was supposed to be a boy. That’s a story for another day there’s too much in that. But anyway, I was totally fucked up about letting my girlfriend touch me at the start. And I’m thinking if she would have just said aw ok I’ll just be a pillow one and you do everything, then it might have ended up that way. Obviously I wanted to but I just couldn’t muster up the courage to show her things i thought weren’t supposed to be on me. But anyway she was amazing about it all and we spoke about it and she understood it all. I love it!!!! Its the bee’s knees I’m just lucky I found someone who understood me and my good and bad bits. Even now 9 years later I still get shy but I’m a little happier in my own skin. and I think all that label crap could push people further away than helping.

Wow that was long.

No offence and if I’m an ignorant asshole, that’s ok, I know I’m a black and white kinda person. it’s just me thinking out loud.

 

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