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Today.

I thought I’d have more to say almost a year later. Obviously I’m really boring, but I think I have a terrible memory, I can’t remember.
Anyway I’m in a hole, like I have meds to help with all the shit that goes on in my head (I have obsessive ocd which is bloody stupid) and before I started them I had a little mini taste for cocodamol. So now I thought I’d get of the Cocos and I’d be amazing in the brains. Nah. Now I’m just stuck on more pills and super addicted to cocodamol. They helped me but not anymore, now I just take them to not vomit all over the aisles in shops and butt vomit all over my couch. I am trying though, I’ve cut them right down and trying to get off them seriously. Like someone told me once “it’s a very slow uphill to addiction to painkillers and before you know it you’re stuck” never listened. But if anyone could ever take in information without thinking they know better then that should be it.
How come when people give you advice no one ever takes it, like “don’t do that it’ll hurt”, but you still need to try it for yourself. I wish I listened to everything when I was younger. I’m stuck in a constant spiral of my own brain. If ever I see anyone do what I did I would say it to them but they’d still do it. Maybe I should take advice… ” don’t see that movie its pure turd” *but what if I don’t think it’s turd and I love it, I can easily stop taking movies if I hate it* no!
But then again I’m in a place now where I’ve done more shit than most people and now I could give advice to people who won’t listen because I’m just this wee 20 odd year old with no kids or troubles, what do I know. You’re age means bugger all when it comes to actual life stuff, and if they’re going to try something or do something I’ve probably already secretly done it and know where its headed.
I’m not a show off or looking for sympathy. I’m just rambling to myself because it helps me see me from the outside.
I’m sure whatever comes next that’s a bad idea I’ll do aswell because its the human condition, and if its a straight shot right into feeling worse then I’ll do that too.
Anyway here’s a joke.
What’s cooler than being cool?
Ice cold.

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