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Successful Relationships

Here’s a massive secret that no one seems to know. Everyone is getting divorced and no one likes each other after a couple of years.

So I’m the genius and here’s the secrets to a successful relationship:

Get all the bad stuff out of your system at the start

– drugs, drink, going out and being a mad hatter. And by the way if you think you’re so sexy that you’re still thinking about all the weird stuff you could get up to, don’t be in a relationship, someone’s going to get hurt because you won’t stay tied down.


– seriously if you find it hard to talk about your crap then don’t bother, there’s a little extra secret love you share knowing that you can talk about anything.

Make sure if you have issues they go together

– like if I have aspergers she probably has ADD, two aspergers don’t go together we’d be fighting over the amount of pencils we need (opposites attract people). Look for someone that’s more laid back.

Always go for the same sex

– that’s just to opposite and won’t ever work. Here’s a fact “not one heterosexual couple has ever been married”.

Buy gifts!

– surprise gifts will always work, and it shows you’re thinking about them all the time.

Get someone the same size

– no money worries because you can wear the same clothes.

Don’t get married

– then you cant get divorced and you’re better than everyone else. Or get married and if you don’t want to be married anymore, kill the person so people will feel sorry for you.

Attention seek

– make up everything you can think of to make them worry constantly about you and never leave.

Seriously though I love my girlfriend. Never take me seriously. << that's another one. Don’t take it so seriously man, calm down.
Also if they try break up with you, put them in a choke hold or arm triangle until they love you again.


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